Once upon a time, I shared an apartment with a girl named Jessica.
Let me just tell you, I LOVE Jessica. I love that she is bubbly and excited to try new things. And I love that she knows how to handle serious situations. I love that she is a friend to the core and would do anything for her best friends. I love that she is bold and determined to find her way in this world. I love that she is supportive and understanding and gentle and kind. And she is sassy. [the good kind of sassy.] I love that when we went to the fair and I got ill after that stupid gravitron thing, she took care of me and that she can’t help but want to save every homeless animal. She has a heart of gold. And I am so thankful that we have stayed friends, even after my move to New York.
Jessica sent me a message a few weeks ago about Then Heather Said. She told me she started her own blog ( http://findingmyselfthroughwords.blogspot.com ) and wanted me to read it. When I saw that Jessica was touching on her having called off her wedding, a little light bulb appeared above my head.
Although we were both on opposite sides of a wedding being cancelled, we had so much in common in the wake of our relationships ending. And so I asked her to write a guest post for Then Heather Said. Jess has been making some big decisions in regards to her dreams the last few weeks [this seems to be quite popular in blog-land as of late.]
Then Heather Said, “Have you met Jessica?”
My name is Jessica and I have been blogging since the first time I read "Then Heather Said...".
This blog has changed my life. I used to vent in the unhealthiest of ways i.e., not eating, developing bad sleeping habits, turning all of my feelings inward, etc. This is my new outlet. It has made me realize that I can really do whatever I want, literally. And while that is probably not the aiming point Heather is pursuing, I am pretty sure that the outcome is just fine with her.
I live in a small, presumably boring town. All of the people have the same familiar personalities and the same expectations for me that I used to have:
-Graduate from high school with no babies.
-Possibly go after a degree at the local college.
-Find someone, and get married to him.
-Start a life here.
Like Heather, I have also recently become unengaged. And while the people of my town think I am taking a step backward, I see it very differently. My situation, while it different from Heather's, it is also very similar.
-I called off my wedding because I got cold feet.
-Her wedding was called off because he got cold feet.
-Heather and I both want more out of life.
-I feel like I am meant to do more than stay in this small town.
-And I am using my blog to define my future.
Everything in life has repercussions. Everything serves a purpose. I broke off my engagement because it felt like once the date was set, the clock was counting down to when my life would end forever and our life would start. I was not ready for our life. Thankfully, I realized that it was not supposed to be like that earlier than the day I was to say "I do". Although, parts of me wish I could have realized it earlier than the day I, along with half of our families, spent more than a few hundred dollars.
But hey, you win some, you lose some. Right?
Breaking off my engagement was one of the smartest, most difficult, but also the most adult decision I have made in my short life. That decision has spurred on many other thoughts in my head. The main one being: "What should a single, twenty-year-old girl, who has nothing tying her down, do?"
My answer? "Whatever I want."
Now I am on a mission, to find out exactly what it is that I want to do. To try and decided if I want to pursue my crazy dream of moving to New York to become an accomplished writer, or not. It should be an easy decision. The answer to my dream seems clear.
This is going to be a series of small steps that turn into a sprint. I have a tendency of jumping into ideas with both feet, holding nothing back. The majority of the time I lack the support from the people close to me. My family does not genuinely support me when it comes to my ideas because it usually changes soon after deciding to follow through. But I can do this, and I will do this.
I will pick a day, start putting money aside, and do some very careful planning. My dream is to spend New Years in a new place. I think I could reach that goal this year.
Steps to making this a success:
1. Find a place to live in New York.
2. Find a place to work in New York.
3. Save enough money between now and Christmas time to make this happen. (A second job may be in my near future.)
4. Breaking it to my parents that I really don't want to go back to school, not right now at least.
5. Going for it!
I have a little over seven weeks to make this happen. Now, if only I could stick to this dream, and follow through.
Follow Jessica on her journey: http://findingmyselfthroughwords.blogspot.com