Last week, at 8:59, during the "next time on One Tree Hill", we learned that the next new episode will not air until November 30th, and therefore tonight's episode was going to be a rerun.
Regardless, I knew I should stay home tonight- spending some much needed time tidying up the apartment, and in my honest opinion, even more importantly- bringing out the holiday decor.
So this week's "least loney Monday" played a different tune. Instead of sitting crosslegged on my living room floor, I watch the One Tree Hill rerun while keeping busy doing housework, moving from one room to the next. Still conversing with R.Davis about the happenings of the episode, though not being as focused on the drama of the Scott family. And suddenly, as my unpacking of decorations grasped my full attention, "least loney Monday" became "surprise! This may haunt you forever Monday".
After uncovering my former fiance's old stocking, and three ornaments all stating "You're Engaged!" in one form or another, I was reminded that I will quite possibly always be reminded.
We said we were in love, we were engaged, we planned our future, we planned a wedding, we thought we knew what was to come; a walk down the aisle to lead to a first dance, a first house, and a first day of kindergarten sometime down the road.
I thought we knew what was to come and today I was reminded that I didn't know, I never knew- and never imagined that this is where I would be today. In my apartment, alone and single, in a town I never knew of and without him. As I unwrapped the tissue from the ornament in the same slow, delicate manner I unwrapped the paper covering it as I received it from him last Christmas, I realized that today is the day to declare it.
I declare this holiday season a celebration of singleness- a time to ring in cheers of girl time, and toast to how much better of a Heather I am today than I was last year at this time.
I declare it time to find the joy in each and everyday- and even more so, to SHARE it. With people I love, those I see daily, pals I only know through the internet, and strangers. I declare I wish BIG, all season long. Wishes for me and wishes for others. I declare I will wrap my mood up in red and green and purple and gold; finishing it off with a large, fluffy bow, all the while humming Jingle Bell Rock or reminding my self that Santa Claus is Coming to Town.
I declare this winter's snow to be filled with magic- and love and calm and simplicity and happiness. And only this. And not just the first snow, and Christmas snow, but EVERY SNOW. I declare the snow will be FUN to shovel, and safe to drive through, and beautiful even when it's slushy. And I will dance as it is falling, and spin until I am falling.
I declare this the least lonely of holiday seasons, yet. And I declare that I don't know, and I won't know, and that is wonderful, and exciting, and keeps me from sitting stagnant in the familiar. And that makes all the difference.
And I believe it.
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