I've shared before about my elusive green books. Today, I sat down and took a trip down memory lane- each page taking me to a different season of the last 13 years of my life.
Sometimes when I read passages from these books, or other journals, I become a bit embarassed. I've even thought about throwing out the books a few times, or tearing out certain pages- but I continue to hold on to them and fight the urge to take a sharpie to words that make me feel queasy.
But sometimes I don't feel like having a green book bon fire; I read a few sentences and I am transformed to the girl I was before. I feel the same things I felt back then- I remember the sounds I heard as I was writing, and the way my day went, the way my heart beat faster or the sting of the tears in the back of my eyes. Sometimes I am thankful for my documenting years ago, because I can sit in those memories and recollect the emotions- and the romantic in me loves to remember the good days, the butterflies, and even the bitter sweet goodbyes.
A few short snipets from the past- starting with a "typical 13-year old girl's poem". Ha.
I sit alone.
No one to talk.
No one to listen.
Only hearing my own thoughts.
Dark. Empty. Peaceful. Beautiful.
The ticking of an overhead clock keeps a steady beat to the thoughts
in my world of
silence. " - January 1997
"It's moments like this and feelings like these I want to wrap up in a box and cherish. Save for another day. So when I start to drift, when I start to fade, when I start to forget; I can just lift the lid, take a little peek and be led right back." - september 2001
"Today is the homesick day.
Today is the day I listen to Dave CDs all day long. I have enough of them to not have to listen to the same one twice.
Today is the day I rely on the little things to pick me up.
Today is the day I wish I was back on campus, in the dorm, watching Friends episodes with the girls, laughing while eating Gumby's or Big Mikes.
Today is the day I miss playing soccer on the hill. Each and every morning before class. I'd give anything to be running drills while the sun rises.
Today is the day I remember too much what it felt like to feel like myself. As I sing along, every lyric that passes reveals another memory of home.
Today is the day I rest in sadness and long for before. And don't feel bad about it at all." - october 2003
"I love March Madness.
I love having brackets all over my desk, hanging on my door, near the dorm tv, one in my car, and one in my Bible. Yes, my Bible.
I love dressing in team garb. My team, her team, his team, any team.
I love the NCAA commercials. I hope Joe* makes one some day.
I love having a fun excuse to take some personal time off from work. Round one mid-day games are so much more fun than any appointment I could possibly have.
I love suddenly becoming passionate about teams I've only seen play a few games during the season.
I love how an online bracket can connect old friends who live a nation apart.
I love how it's more than a holiday, it's a month long celebration.
I love the memories collected during March throughout the years.
I love that once your favorite team loses, you find yourself high fiving strangers after sunken free throws, cheering on teams you cursed over during football season.
I love that pizza and wings never tasted as good as they do during the final four.
I love that the girl who picks her bracket based on uniform designs or the cuteness of team mascots undoubtedly will beat my choices every single year.
I LOVE MARCH MADNESS." - 3/17/05
*one of my very best friends, Joe, runs fast. And he was a NCAA track star. And he holds a world record. And I'm proud ;)
When was the last time you took a trip to memory lane? Have you ever flipped through an old yearbook, notebook or journal? Do you still relate to the person you were back then?
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