Friday, December 4, 2009

alone and thankful

Today is one of the days I am thankful for the single life. That I'm not married. That I'm not living with the man who was almost my husband, before he saved my life and said it was over.

I am thankful that I can come home after work, and change into old gray sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt and sit crosslegged on my one piece of comfortable furniture in the living room, the recliner. With a blanket over my lap and my hair in a messy bun. The door is locked and I don't plan on seeing a soul for at least 20 hours.

I am thankful I can watch anything I want on tv- no compromise, no debate. Just whatever I feel like. (Which currently seems to be a line up of Greys & Criminal Minds reruns.) All the while sipping a pama-ginger ale cocktail and completing Sudoku puzzles. I love that I can choose to sit in the silnce and read short essay styled memoir books until dawn- or listen to DVDs of The West Wing playing in the background as I flip through magazines.

I am thankful that I can work on my Christmas cards throughout the weekend- because I have no set plans other than some time working at the mall tomorrow. I can leave them in piles of done, not done, stamped and unstamped- spread out on my four end tables that sit next to the one recliner in the living room. And I love that I can sign them with the last name I've always had- my capital S has always been prettier than my capital M, anyway.

I'm thankful that I can lay in front of the tv for 15 minutes doing core exercises while catching up on hollywood gossip, add extra resistance in the abs while I laugh my way through Chelsea Lately. No need to move to another room because I'm blocking someone's view of the stunning television programing.

I love that I get to spend time baking in my kitchen, every night. I get to search for the perfect recipe I want to try. I love that I get to bake with, and fully enjoy, peanut butter- without the fear that he may accidentally come in contact and have an allergic reaction.

I love that I am selfish when I am at home. Because there is no other way right now, in this season of my life. This chapter. No one else's opinion to weigh against my own. No one else's suggestions to bring into consideration. Just me- doing what I want to do, when I want to do it. My own choices of yes and no and maybe. Of now and later and never and always. I am thankful.

6 comments:

  1. Beautiful post! What a wonderful free life you lead. Have a great weekend!

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  2. Wow, heather... It is amazing how we forget all of the freedoms that move aside when you are with someone. I'm happy that you're happy, and so glad that you're enjoying your independence. :)

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  3. Great post Heather. In struggling with infertility this is how I feel sometimes. I couldn't sleep in until 8pm with a baby, I couldn't just take off an go somewhere with my husband if we had a baby. Thanks for reminding me!

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  4. Were on the same page, I've been into Criminal Minds, for the past week. I'd like a all day marathon. I'm watching it now and CSI

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  5. I know I will be taking advantage of having full control of the TV tonight while I'm home alone :)

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  6. i live this way as well. and i treasure each moment. thank you for so beautifully articulating the wonders of single life. i especially identify with the love of "not having to talk to someone for 20 hours." that is my personal FAVORITE.

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